If you follow the advice in this website you can overcome cigarette smoking, obesity, drug addiction, depression, alcoholism, bad relationships, excessive gambling and hemorrhoids.

A Simple Half Step Program To Get Rid Of Your Problems!

Acomplish Well Being Without The BS And 11 1/2   Fewer Steps!

 This web site will cure you of all the above mentioned afflictions and more. Millions of self help books are sold every year. You will see when you read on that these books are all unnecessary useless bullshit. The people who buy, read and write them are idiots and jerks. This brief web site, with only 2775 words, contains everything you need to know to transform your life. The average verbose Self Help book contains twenty times more words. This web site will put all the other self help books out of business with its concise, practical advise.
Have you ever bought a self help book? Then you are a dummy and you have come to the right place. This web site will change your life. But then maybe it won't. If you are such a pathetic wreck that you have bought a self help book before maybe you are beyond help. Go kill yourself. There is no hope for you. But read this web site anyway. This is your last chance. It won't take too long and if I manage to knock some sense in your stupid head you won't need jump off a bridge after all. So pull yourself up by the bootstraps you pitiful moron and read on. First, go and commit all of those other self help books to the flames. I am talking about all diet books, healing the inner self type garbage, all books on curing your addictions: Get rid of them. This web site is the only thing you will ever need.
How to Lose Weight
You fat blob. Don't tell me you were so stupid that you bought a diet book? Mamma Mia! No one needs any of those ridiculous books or programs to lose weight. If you have any of those books throw them in the recycle bin right now. I will tell you in this paragraph everything you need to know about losing weight and getting into good shape. You do not need that other crap. In fact, if you have ever been so stupid to pay money to any of those companies and went on a diet program you are probably beyond redemption. Go kill yourself. Here is how to lose weight: Load a backpack up with 60 pounds of rocks. Put on the pack and walk up a steep trail for 45-55 minutes a day. You don't even need to do it every day. Take two or three days off a week. If you don't get into shape after several weeks keep at it and eat less garbage. There—simple isn't it?
Depression
I am sick about hearing about these milksops who are always depressed. Are you depressed? Poor little fucking baby. Don't whine to me. Why shouldn't you be depressed? What is so terrible about being depressed? The world is screwed up. Our planet is overpopulated and billions are starving; mass extinctions are taking place. Even without social and environmental havoc you get old and sick. Maybe you'll get a terrible disease. Sooner or later you'll die—probably an agonizing death and most likely no one will even care. With all the screwed up things in the world you think you should be chipper and happy with a positive attitude? Give me a break. A Dale Canegie jerk with a positive attitude is even worse then a depressed whiner like you. (By the way, if you have any of those utterly stupid Dale Carnegie books get rid of them.) What right do you have to whine that you are depressed when you not nearly as bad off and out of touch with reality as one of those positive attitude jerks? (Even though you still are pathetic.) Now think about that. Are you still whining that you are depressed? If so go kill yourself right now—there is no hope for you.
For everyone life has its ups and downs—live with it. I never go into deep depression. Why? Because depression is for limp wristed pansies like you. How ignoble. Don't tell me you take one of those drugs like Prozac. You little wimp—you can't take life. You need to dope up your stupid piddley mind. Get off that crap right now and take life unadorned like a man. And that goes for the women also.
I don't get depressed, I get angry. Instead of whimpering, "I'm depressed." Get angry. If enough people got angry then maybe more people would take action instead of wallowing around being depressed. Then we'd see some improvement around here and there would less to be depressed about, you moron.
Relationships
The thing with relationships is that they involve other people. You can't even control yourself and you want to control other people? Why don't you worry about getting yourself under control? If you master all the steps in this web site and get your pathetic self in gear then you think you will get your relationships with your mate, friends and family in order? You want to know what to do with your relationships? First of all, if anyone is related to you, or if anyone is stupid enough to be your friend or mate they are probably sick in the head. If these people have messed up heads how can you expect to have a healthy relationship with these people? So what do you do with these people to grow and nurture your loving relationships? Tell them all to fuck off.
Excuses
Critics will say "you are insensitive to people's problems"; "Parents and mates have tormented and abused me leaving emotional scars." Excuses! You don't want to deal with life you losers! Look at Stephen Hawkings—confined to a wheel chair. Do you hear him whining, "I was struck with Lou Gherick's disease so I became a heroin addict and a compulsive overeater"? Or did Helen Keller say, "I was so emotionally scared from blindness and deafness that I became a chronic smoker and alcoholic and entangled myself in unhealthy relationships with the wrong men"? No, these people went ahead with their lives—amazing ones at that. Everyone had something rotten happen to them. You can't tell me that whatever happened to you was worse than being totally paralyzed or deaf dumb and blind. Go on with your life you wimp. It's amazing how many people I have known, who are sometimes even in their 40s and 50s, who whine about how their parents fucked them up. You are morons! It's just an excuse for your pitiful life that is only your fault. Whatever happened to you, or whatever bad situation you were in, other people have had it worse and they still go on without being a pathetic problem plagued jerk like you. So shut up already.
The Power of Negative Thinking
Fuck positive attitudes. If it weren't for negative people complaining and changing the world for the better, the positive people would have nothing to be positive about.
Cigarette Smoking
You say you want to quit smoking? OK, just stop right now. You godamned idiot. Don't give me crap like, "It's not so easy." Fuck you! It is easy! Just stop. What is so difficult about that? It's not like cigarettes are like air or water and you'll die without them. If you are thinking, "Yes, they are like air and water because I am addicted," then fuck you! I hope you continue smoking and die of cancer. Don't give me your crap. Just stop or shut up.
For those people that say it's too hard to quit smoking: It's going to be a lot harder laying in a hospital bed dying of cancer.
Alcohol
Just like with cigarettes: Just stop. Smokers perhaps like puffing smoke. With alcohol what is there to like? The vomiting? The dizziness? Slurring your speech and coming off like the true idiot you are? A headache the next morning? Do you think your beer belly is attractive? You can't tell me that any of that shit besides some beer and wine tastes good. If you are an alcoholic you must be a masochist. Maybe you are torturing yourself because you realize you are a stupid drunk, so you have become even more drunk and stupid. Perhaps you often wake up, vomit covered in the gutter with a headache and say to yourself, "I must quit." If you have truly decided you want to torture yourself less or prevent your skin from turning yellow from your diseased liver try this: Find a healthier way to torture yourself. Go to a gym and volunteer as punching bag. Go find a leather clad transvestite mistress who will chain you up and whip you until bloody lacerations cover your body. Listen to country music all day. (Millions engage in this form of self inflicted torture to ward off alcoholism.) Take a daily swim in the local sewage treatment plant. There are million less harmful ways than getting soused to torture yourself. If you are serious about becoming less masochistic then you can curtail torturing yourself. So just shut up and stop torturing yourself or I hope you are the next passed out bum on the curb that some juvenile delinquents pour gas on and light on fire.
How To Cure Yourself From Addiction To Crank Or Methamphetamines
You ingested into your body something that is made with more deadly chemicals than a toxic waste dump and you are going to listen to a reasonable argument about anything? There is no hope for you. Please eat a pound of that poison shit you are addicted to and kill yourself. You will be better off and so will everyone that knows you.
How To Cure Yourself From Addiction To Heroin and Cocaine
Everyone one knows that these two drugs are highly addictive and ruin your life. But you went ahead took these drugs anyway--not just one or two times, but several times. If you had any brains you would have stayed away from the stuff in the first place. So, not only are you addicted to heroin or cocaine, but you are also stupid! Do you really want to go through life as a stupid junkie? You probably don't like yourself too much and rightfully so, because no one else does either. So let's sum up the situation: 1) You're a dumbshit; 2) You are addicted to drugs; 3) No one likes you. Please shoot up a wad of cocaine or heroin up your nose and OD already. Everyone is getting tired of you hanging around here on planet Earth. Go take a final flying fuck to cloud nine and decrease the parasite population, please!
Why This Site Is So Brief Compared To The Multitude of Self Help Books
Because all of these problems are very simple to get rid of. You made them complex you moron. You made big problems out of nothing because you are a neurotic jerk. You have wasted a lot of time and energy on all of your stupid little problems and made them into a mountain of nattering neurosis'. How would you like a real problem—like maybe getting cancer? Just shut the fuck up already with your stupid piddly problems. You want some real problems? I'll come over right now and slug you in the face and break your jaw. Then you might get an idea of what a real problem is. Every topic in this book that you whine about is simple to fix and that is why this web site is so brief. Why, you wonder, are there so many big books that go on and on about these topics? Because morons with diarrhea of mouth and pen who say nothing but bullshit write for morons like you who have diarrhea of the brain. And you are all stupid enough to buy the bullshit. Mamma mia! Wake up already you ignoramus!
Compassion
Not too long ago I was in a lumber yard. A salesman Dan, who is also a friend of mine, was up on a 20 foot platform getting some wood for me. Another worker there was driving a forklift and moving some wood right next to the wood that I needed. Dan asked the forklift driver to take 10 seconds from what he was doing to bring down the wood I needed so we wouldn't kill ourselves packing the wood down 20 feet. The forklift operator said to Dan, "Screw you! I've got to move some wet wood outside to dry."
"Did you know that it's February and 5:00 and that the sun is going down in fifteen minutes?" replied Dan as the forklift driver drove off and said, "Screw you!" once again.
He handed a box of cedar shakes down to me but it was a long reach. The box crashed to the ground, the shakes spilled out of the box and many split into shreds.
"Why don't you fire that fork lift driver?" I asked Dan.
Dan has been studying Buddhism. Wanting to emulate the Buddha he said, "I should try to understand his point of view. Maybe he had some reason for doing that and I will show him compassion."
Then I thought, "Perhaps I should be compassionate in my life toward others."
Here I have been deriding you readers because you have sought help for your personal problems. Maybe I should be compassionate and understand your needs to seek assistance and support in this self help web site. But then on second thought, no. You readers are pathetic. You expect anyone in their right mind to have compassion and sympathy for your stupid problems? If Buddha knew you Buddhism would have never came about. He would given up any hope of improving man's lot after meeting a pathetic piece of crap like you. Pull yourself together you miserable shithead.
Anger Management
Here is what I say to those people running these anger management classes and writing self help books about anger: Fuck You! With jerks like you running around you expect people not to be angry? If you are not angry in this messed up world you probably had a frontal lobotomy. And what the fuck do you mean by, "Management?" Anger is a symptom of having idiots like you around as snot is a symptom of a cold. To deal with snot you must deal with the cause: the cold virus. Since you can't do much about the cold virus you just wait for the virus to die. You anger management jerks are the virus. If you kill yourselves we will all be less angry without you morons around.
Problem Gambling
Are you a gambler that has blown thousands? You are hooked on the excitement of risking your dough. The problem with you gamblers is that you lack excitement in your dull lives and gambling is the way for you to get your jolllies. Just quit gambling and find something less costly to do for a thrill. Jump out of an airplane, dive in the ocean and wrestle a shark, go climb a peak in bare feet. Ask your friends what they'd pay you to peel off your clothes and streak though downtown. There are a hundred exciting things you can do instead blowing your loot on bad odds you moron. Use your imagination. If this fails do this: Bet someone who has little faith in you, (probably everyone you know) that you will not gamble for a year. Bet a lot of money. If you can't win that challenge you're pathetic.
Why do they call it "Self Help?"
I don't know why they call it "Self Help." If you could actually help yourself you wouldn't need a self help book and you probably wouldn't have these stupid problems in the first place. The problem is that you can't help yourself because you are a stupid blockhead. You need a nitwit book full of trendy euphemisms. Mamma mia! You need someone to help you. You should be ashamed. Go kill yourself.
Hemorrhoids
And I mentioned something about curing hemorrhoids. Here's how: Start up a chain saw and stick it up your ass!
Testimonials
Be the first on your block to write a testimonial on how this web site has helped you overcome your problems and transformed your life. Send me an email via the link on the bio page or at meltingclocktimes.com. If you say something interesting I'll publish it here in the future. Mention your name and hometown since it will look better on the page (and underscore the fact that idiots are everywhere).

Click here to read the testimonials of the people whose lives have been changed by this web site!

 

Click here for more information on this site's author, Guru Brian Friedkin